Month 4

Right this very second you rolled over for the first time in front of me. Apparently you've been doing it for everyone but me. I can't believe how much you've grown in this last month! We're still going strong with breastfeeding which is such a great accomplishment! You talk to yourself, daddy, grandma and pretty much anyone who will listen to you all the time. Today you also had to first taste of real baby food! We made such a mess, but it was so much watching you figuring it out. Today you also gave me your first belly laugh. (Today has just been a lot of first for you!) I still take about 100 pictures a day of you which will probably never change! I love you so much baby boy, and each day I learn to love you more and more. This has been such an amazing journey and I can't wait to see what the future holds for us !

Some pictures from this month! 

You get more and more handsome each day. 

Bug,

As your lying next to me, I can't help but want to wake you up just so I can see your smile. But I know that i'll regret it because its 2:08 in the morning. I still can't sleep without checking on your every 10 minutes. You giggled for me today, and it was breath taking. You cried right after because I squeeled so loud and it scared you, but regardless it happen. You're growing up so much and it breaks my heart that in a few short weeks, i'll have to return to work and you'll have to go to the baby sitters, and i'll be away from you for 8 hours. I can barely go 1 whole hour without missing you like crazy.  No one is gonna understand your cries, or that you like to sniff your feet. I'm afraid you're not going to get the attention you need if you go to some daycare. I love you so much that I don't want just "somebody" watching you. I want Daddy or I to be that one. Or some relatively close. But bills have to be paid and we need light to see you at night, so someone has to work . Boo.  You still refuse to sleep anywhere other than your swing, couch or our bed.And your inches away from full on sucking on your thumb. It's so cute to chew on your fist. You can finally hold up your head pretty good, which is such a relief and you did so good with 2 month shots! You love your dad so much it amazes me. That you know the difference between us. You talk to him more than you talk to anyone else! You instantly smile when you see him. It melts my heart to see you guys playing around on the floor and it makes me even more excited for the future and when you get bigger. Well love, i'm sure when i try to lay down you'll wake up for your next feeding, either way I love you so much.  Love Mom.

Daddy tickling your ear

Month 2

Today you are 2 months! I honestly feel like you should be at least 4 or 5, but that's because I spend most of my time with you. You are my best friend. You're smile can turn my whole day around. Lately you've been super cranky, but thats okay, because it gives mommy a reason to let you fall asleep on my chest all day. (:


We have successfully breast feed for 2 months now which is a HUGE accomplishment for us! You and I both know it was hard at first but we stuck with it, and man it sure is a lot better for both of us a 4am when you wake up starving.

 You still hate tummy time, but the easter bunny brought you a new play gym with toys that hang above you and that thing keeps you busy for a good bit.

I take so many pictures of you it's kinda ridculous. We have over 1,000 now. I get a little carried away but I want to make sure that I have a picture for everyday at least and for every time you do something funny or insanely cute...which is obviously everyday.

You're freaking huge..and I mean that in a 12lb. 10 oz way. I think you're going to have blue eyes, and I know they say that babies eyes don't change until they are six months but they are changing into an even more beautiful blue every day.

We have a huge John Lennon poster in our living room and that poster seems to calm you down even when I can't get through to you. That and Florence and the machine.

My favorite things that you do though is when your nursing and you look up at me and try to talk. It makes my heart melt into a big mushy pile of goo. I can't help but want to hold you tight and never let go.

Well bug, I'm promise that i'll keep up with this as much as you'll let me. I love you so much and I know I tell you this every day but you mean so much to me. You're everything I have ever wanted and I promise that no matter what I will always have the patience and love to last you the rest of your life

Love Mommy

Month 1

(Mommy is playing catch up!) 

Today you are five weeks! You can almost hold your head up. You hate tummy time. And god forbid you wake up hungry. You cry until you can't breathe. You like baths, until it's time to get out. You coo and cah. And your smile is the most beautiful things i have ever seen. Your sleep schedule is always outta wack but you at least give mommy and daddy three- four hours in the middle of the night. You weigh 10.4 oz. Sometimes you cry in your sleep. It's the saddest thing i've ever seen. You look so much like daddy it's unreal. I wish that you liked me as much as you like him. You cry a lot for me. I know you love me, but daddy seems to have the magic touch.

Nolan Ashton Phifer, your birth story.

You made your entrance on February 9th 2012 at 11:32 pm  9lbs 1 oz. 21 3/4 inches.  . But we'll start from the beginning...

Your father and I went to the hospital on the 8th at 7:00 am .  I don't think we went to sleep until 3am that  morning. I woke up and took my regular shower and then it dawned on me that this would be the last time I took a shower with this huge belly. This would be the last time I brushed my teeth with this big belly. This would be the last few times I would feel you kick my ribs. After rounding everything up we were headed out the door. We arrived late of course... They checked us into our room and the began. They hooked up my IV ( I think that hurt more than some of the contractions.) Put the Foley bulb in (the device that made me dilate) and started the pitocin. Gotta say that was probably the most uncomfortable thing I have ever felt. Daddy and I walked around the hospital a good 10 times. Which worked, because at 2pm it fell out and I was 4 cm dilated. They up'd the pitiocin which made my contractions a lot worse. Eventually they gave me medicine which took the edge off but apparently it was doing too good of a job because my pain level went from a 6 to a 2 and the nurses felt like that was to drastic of a change and could stop you from working your way out.Personally I felt like I was on cloud nine.

 Every hour they checked me and by the end of the night I hadn't progressed any. So they stopped the pitocin and let me have dinner. I made daddy go get me Chinese. After being in labor all day, that Chinese was the best food i've ever eaten! I got some rest and we started all over again the next day. Pitiocin and walking around, but you still weren't making your progress. Eventually they put an internal monitor on you which made it even harder to move around. Around 6pm the contractions were getting unbearable. I finally gave into the epidural. I went in knowing that I was probably going to get one but I was proud of myself for going over 24 hours without it. After that the rest was history...just kidding. I got a well needed nap and woke up and was 6 cm. I was so excited because I was finally making progress. You were really gonna be here soon!..Or so we thought... My doctor came in and checked me at 10:30pm and broke the news that I wasn't 6cm..or even 5cms. I knew at this point we were gonna have to have a c-section. I was going on almost 34 hours and I could of went another 34 if I could of avoided having a c-section, but I could hear your heartbeat going up and down with every contraction and that scared me the most. I wanted to have you naturally but I also wanted to you safe. So off we went to the OR. They numbed from my stomach down. When they rolled me in I remember feeling so scared, but excited. All I felt was pressure. Your dad sat beside me and held my hand. We were quite. I laid there thinking of the past 9 months . The first time you kicked and how my heart dropped. How I knew that was kick. And the first time I saw you. I felt one good push and instantly I could breathe. I knew you were out, but I didn't hear you. Suddenly your raspy little voice filled the room. Your cry was so beautiful. They peaked your head over the curtain and i caught a glimpse of your eyes. They cleaned you up and brought you to me, and I looked at you and I thought you were the most unique looking baby I have ever seen. Nothing could of ever prepared me for what you looked like. You were beautiful , innocent, mine.

Your father was the first to hold you. I'm glad he was able to follow you to the nursery and make sure you were okay. The way he looked at you was so beautiful. His eyes all swollen with tears, I've never loved him more. 

You, my Little One

Are as stubborn as your father! Tomorrow were going to the doctor to schedule an induction, because you're having way to much fun in there and don't want to join us out here! Daddy and I moved into our new home. Your room is huge! We got you a new playpen and fancy sheets which your probably gonna puke all over, but thats okay. I can't wait to meet you and count your fingers and toes, and cuddle with you. Oh my goodness, i'm trying not to get too nervous but I can't help it!

On an even brighter note, you're going to have a new baby cousin soon too! Uncle Todd and Aunt Amanda are expecting their first little baby! So you'll have someone to grow up with and look over!

I love you so much Nolan, you have no idea. I can't wait to see you soon!
Love always
Mom

Nolan,

You're going to be so excited to see your new room! Your father and I have so many cool ideas and I cannot wait to get started! We got to see you this week, and your getting so big! The doctor said that your already 4 pounds! You like your naps during the day but at night you're so active. Flipping around and kicking out for hours. You get so excited when you hear your father play guitar, and I guess that makes two of us! You have a new cousin! Her name is Aliyah Kendall and your almost as big as her already!

I love you so much and I can't wait to meet you. You're getting so close to being here! <3

HEY BUDDY!!!

This is your daddy.Your mommy always does the blogs but I figured out her password while she took some one to work.I cant wait to meet you.I  promise i'm always gonna do my best to make you happy.i dont know if mommy  has been talking about it to you but we've both got new jobs that pay better so it will be that much easier to to get you what you want and spend time with you.Your great grand-father passed away this week,and even though you didnt get to meet him i want you to know that he was a great man who is in heaven right now because he had such a big heart for God.He would have loved to meet you but just know that he will be watching over me, your mommy, and you.
Your gonna have a great mommy buddy,even though we still have our disagreements sometimes she still loves you so much.All she wants is to see you smile when youre with us.
Remember that no matter what I'm gonna love you with all my heart and im so glad your coming into our lives.

Love always,
        Daddy

You have been kicking me for over an hour now! (:
You always know how to make me feel better whenever i'm down.
I can't wait to teach you all the little things in life.
Like you abc's and counting to 100! and why the sky is blue. and how to swim.

I love you already so much <3

You mister

have become my new best friend! A few days ago I was really feeling you kick but yesterday I went nearly all day without feeling you kick once ): It made me feel really scared because I was just starting to get used to feeling you. Everytime you would kick I would get the biggest smile on my face. I'm not worrying to much, because your still kinda tiny and you move around a lot so maybe your just facing my back!

Your dad and I havent been able to find a name for you yet. But I promise that doesnt mean we don't care. We just want to make sure that your name really truely fits you.

I love you so much, <3
Please keep continuing to grow big and strong
Mom

drumroll please

We found out on Wednesday that your a healthy, hyper, big ole' BOY! (:
Daddy and I are so excited!
The ultrasound tech said that you were really hyper, you were bouncing all over the place. You also were playing with yourself a lot. ahah. She also said that your lungs are really developed and that there were no kinks in the umbilical cord.
As i'm writing this, your kicking me(: I think you know that i'm talking about you.
Stay strong baby boy.
Love you.<3

Tomorrow!!

We find out if your a boy  or a girl! (: Daddy  finally agreed on a girls name! We have so many choices for boy names so it's going to be much harder to pick one out. Today I felt you kick so much. They were so tiny and so many. It almost felt like there were two of you! The doctors said you can hear me and daddy talking now, so we make sure that we talk to you all the time now. Daddy even plays the guitar for you (:

I love you so much! and I can't wait for tomorrow (:

We've officially made it to the 2nd trimester!

I went to the doctor yesterday and everything seemed perfectly fine with you (: 

I'm in my 2nd trimester now which means we're getting closer and closer to seeing you each day.

hopefully sometime next weekend were going to find out if youre a boy or a girl (:

Everyone thinks your a boy, but I really think you're a girl . 

Either way, youre still going to be the most beautiful thing i've ever seen.

I love you with all my heart baby <3

stay strong and healthy.

Ps. Its official, I felt you kick. ;)

baby, baby, baby.

So we finally got your fetal monitor and the first day we found your heart beat but for the two days after we couldnt find it at all. ): I was starting to get worried but today we found your little heart twice! Daddy is always better at finding it than me, but as long as your okay that's all that matters. We thought of a new name, Lilly. (: I think it's so beautiful and I think that if your a girl it will fit you so well.

I love you so much. 

Little scares

You put your mommy in the hospital last night. You're growing so fast that my body can barely keep up so I was in a lot of pain. And over the years you'll learn that I kinda suffer from a bad cause of hypochondria. So off to the hospital we went. Daddy got to see you moving around for the first time. I don't think I've ever seen him smile so big before. The doctor said everything looked fine, he said that your were doing flips and hiccuping. I was so worried about you, but so relived when they said everything was alright. 

I had one of the best dreams on my life. I finally got to see you, and you were a girl. You were just this tiny baby and every time i blinked you grew and grew! You were so beautiful. At first you were bald , just like me and your father when we were babies. Then you started growing this long beautiful brown hair. It was one of the best dreams i've ever had. 

You're going to be the best thing that has ever happened to us.

Love always Mommy

Dear growing baby,

It's been a few days, You've been growing a lot and I can definitely feel it. You've been giving me all sorts of scares though! I'm going to the doctors sooner than my appointment just to make sure your okay. You've been giving me a lot of aches and pains and since your the first I don't know whats normal and whats not. I think I've been feeling you move but were gonna keep that between you and me until you really make your move. Just in case its gas or something .(:
I start working again tonight with you dad, gotta say i'm kinda excited. We went and  did your registry at target last night, and man oh man, your gonna have a bunch of cute stuff. I can't wait to figure out if your a boy or a girl. I think im going to cry when we find out and when I feel you kick for the first time. Your moms kinda of a sap. (:

You stay strong, I love you

Mommy.

Mommy

Sweetpea,

I can't stop thinking about you today. Hopefully I wont run out of things to say because i'm writing you three times a day. (:  Some people think because i'm pregnant that I'm someone different. Truth is, I am. I had to change. For you, but it's not a bad thing at all. I had to care for someone so tiny inside of me. I had to give up the things I used to do in my past but that doesn't make me anymore less of a person. I hope you never encounter the rude people in this world that have their priorities mixed up but I know that its apart of growing up

I can't wait to meet you.(: 

I love you 

Mom

Speaking of your father...

He's probably going to kill me. I kinda sorta just ordered a doppler to make sure that your wittle heart is beating everyday. I rented if for 3 months and I got 10% off. What a steal! (: (I dont think your dad will think so but he'll live.) I just want some peace of mind knowing that your doing okay. I worry about you in there. Its probably dark and well..not cold. But still I want to know that your okay. I love you sweetpea. I can't wait to get it in the mail! I think it was worth every single penny.

Love always
Mommy.

Your Father

This is your Father on one of our adventure days.

I think you have the right to know that your father has a little bit of a crazy side. He's the goofiest man I have ever met, but I promise that there is never a dull moment. Aside from being crazy, he's gentle and loving. He will make sure that nothing happens to you and I have no doubt in my mind that you and him will be up a lot during the night watching cartoons together. Hes also a great cook! So were both in luck! Whenever you give me crazy cravings at night he'll get up and make it for me. Your dad always talks about taking you fishing and taking you to the park and riding bikes together. So you have a lot planned for you. I'm sure once you get a little bit older you'll start to recognize his voice. He talks to you everyday and gives you tons of kisses. 

Well enough about your father, you'll have you whole life to get to know him! 

Love you so much baby.

Mommy.

Jun 7th 2011

I took my first pregnancy test. At first it looked negative so I went on with my morning routines. Brushed my teeth, washed my face, brushed my hair and right before throwing it away an extra tiny line was there. My heart dropped. I ran into our bedroom and woke your dad up and told him that we needed to go get another test. So off we went, at 645 in the morning to walmart to get another pregnancy test. We came back and sure enough positive. Took another one and still pregnant. I was happy, scared, excited, anxious, worried. We had no idea what we were going to do. We were young, in love, working 50 hours a week, barely had time for each other. But even if we had to work 60 hours a week, and we grew gray hairs we were going to do it for you. You were ours. We were a family already. And I never knew that I could love someone so much in such little time. 

Mommy